ShE sAyS sHhHh I kNoW It'S oNlY iN mY hEaD, cAnT YoU sEe My WalLs ArE cRuMbLiNg..ThEn ShE LoOkS uP aT tHe BuIlDiNg AnD sAyS sHe'S tHiNkInG oF JuMpInG, sHe SaYs sHe'S tIrEd Of LiFe ShE mUsT bE TiReD oF SoMeThInG.....

Looking around and getting awareness of my solitude... Repeating and shouting to myself it is my choice so how can I complain? Looking around to see things that I don't want to see, hearing voices that I don't want to hear, sharing moments with empty souls that I don't want to share, reading books that I don't want to read, listening Alanis that I WANT to listen and I don't know why I'm
still holding on....I've been here before and I deserve a little more...
Looking up the building and thinking of jump, weightless ,unconscious, out of fear to fly to a place where someone who saw me go away with tears is waiting for me with its open wings to make me feel safe again. In its wings I will be able to rest because I am tired and I need a warm-safe-solitary-silent place to understand that it is only in my head...I've been here before and I deserve a little more...
Again what’s the name of the game? I don't want to play it, I won't go out to play, would you please stop tempting me? You know how weak I can be sometimes. Do you really want to see me jump and fly?
Looking around through oceans and mountains and countries and I don't know how many nationalities,waiting, stopping myself cause I think I am uninvited and you are my unfortunately slight...Looking around and staring at someone that I just can't touch ...
Today I take a glimpse in the mirror but I did not recognize my own face, I did not recognize my own words, too many storms have come and gone and yet I am breathing, surviving....My health is fading and I don't know why...

"...Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I don’t know
CARINA says she’s dying through the door I hear her crying
Why? I don’t know ..." *

Unsure, not ready, unavailable, disinterested, not inclined, deprived, depressed,contorted, stifled, compromised, silenced, sacrificed, afraid...and I know why....3978 exactly darn miles

* Round here performed by Counting Crows