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Caren

BeTwEeN a BrOkEn NoSe AnD a FaKe SmIlE... BeTwEeN "FUCK YOU!" tO yOuR fAcE aNd "IT's AlL rIgHt"... BeTwEeN mUrDeR aNd DiPlOmAcY...

BeTwEeN a BrOkEn NoSe AnD a FaKe SmIlE... BeTwEeN "FUCK YOU!" tO yOuR fAcE aNd "IT's AlL rIgHt"... BeTwEeN mUrDeR aNd DiPlOmAcY... Do you want to know what I choose? A broken nose, a fuck you to your face and diplomacy. He he, I am not so predictable, I bet you have thought that I would choose murder as third option but no ... sometimes,and only sometimes I can be surprisingly "human" (yeah yeah I can try it at least). Weird as it looks I can break your nose and scream out load fuck you to your face with an incredible subtlety and diplomacy. I was trying to discover a little something to make me sweeter-smoother-nicer, I've been rude and hostile in such a high limits that so many times I could not recognise me in my own words, but when loads of circumstances and people push you tireless you just explode without measuring the consequences.
I deeply dislike distrustful people, shouting people, people who invades my living and mental space. If you can't trust on me, talk to me or respect my space I highly recommend you to stay away from me.
"...How to keep people at arms length and never get to close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most...
How to play all highest when you’re really a hypocrite
How to hate God when you’re a prayer and a spiritualist...
How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you’re thinking of killing yourself..."*
Such a perfect reflection as 99.99% of my spiritual guide ^AM^ (a.k.a. Alanis Morissette). By the way as a part of my intensive program to fall apart in much more than 8 easy steps of the highest level of stress of my history, I am going to London to hear her alive and feel the heap of emotions, strength,love, peace... what can I say? I am just drooling (and proud of it!!!!).
A few days ago I've exploited "literally". Since I have 19 years old I suffer anxiety and panic disorders. Since then I've swallowed million pills, since then my life has been lots of times a sort of hell. Unexpectedly panic for no apparent reasons? I feel surrounded with risk factors, and some motherfucker pushed me so far that could blocked me for 2 days, interminable 2 days unable to say a word considering that 2 seconds without saying a word is interminable for me was a terrible experience and I wont allow any other person in the whole word to make me feel this way, I promise you will see a lot of broken nose and.... Everybody's changing and I don't feel right ....
"...What am I to do with all this fire?
(I'd like to hit you, but I could never hit you.)
Would you stay with me in this red space?
(I'd like to slap you, but I could never slap you)
What am I to do with all this burning?
(I'd like to hurt you, but I could never hurt you.)
Do I overwhelm you in this place?
(I'd like to kill you, but I could never kill you)..." **

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