Bliss

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out ....helping you out ....

Consciously and subconsciously, I am constantly trying to get away people from my life. Why ?? I don’t know but I started questioning myself why, a good thing though...
Fear, solitude, rage and negativity I need to begin by removing those words from my vocabulary.
I certainly know that I don’t need situations & people in my life that don’t support me or that lower my energy.
Tomorrow is my birthday, a very special day in so many ways, it is almost impossible to explain how happy I am, I have discovered that I am loved in a way that I almost can’t handle... I have been experiencing a lot, amazing moments and other kind of "dark things" that I would not dare to relate, some because I feel ashamed some because thankfully disappeared in a paper that I burnt some minutes after the bells sounded announcing the arrival of the new year with the purpose to delete them from my life and my mind which is very healthy...

I am just silently satisfied with who I am even when I will pursuing my personal growth and fulfillment. I have also realized that I don’t owe anything to anyone. Every time that I’m confused I think there must be easier ways, I have started all over again surrounded by people who loves me and I love, love is ruling & filling my life, with my dignity in place I’m all too happy to assuage.
I am definitely growing up biological and psychically. I am aware now.....

"...hopeful you are
school bound you are
naive you are
driven you are
precocious you are
headstrong you are
terrified you are
ahead of your time you are
resilient you are
big time you are
ruthless you are
precious you are ..." **

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT !!!!

** UR - Lyrics Alanis Morissette

Blog of the day...Bitacoras.com

BITÁCORA DEL DÍA

Caren
Autor: Caren
Descripción y opiniones

DESCRIPCION Y OPINIONES


Caren

http://www.blogia.com/caren
I just write to spit it out my rage and love and everything I have inside.
Categoría: Personales
País: España
Autor: Caren
Desde: abril de 2004

WaLkInG mAn To NoWhErE ...LiKe Me ...

Thanks to my lovely Lif

YoU tReAt Me LiKe I'm A pRiNcEsS I'm NoT uSeD tO LiKiNg ThAt....

Barcelona-Spain July 7th
5:45 am clock alarm
6:00 am on my way to “El Prat” airport
7:00 am checking in flight
8:05 am Taking off
9:45 am Landing Milano Malpensa airport

Milano- Italy July 7th
11:00 am taking Malpensa shuttle to Milano Train station
12:20 pm taking a train to Locarno (have to change train at
Bellinzona)
02:38 pm Changing train from Bellinzona to Locarno
03:00 pm Arriving Locarno train station.

Locarno- Switzerland July 7th

And I am here to remind you all the mess you left when you went away OOPS no no no just singing “You outhga know” =) I am here to see you and today you are still far away so I am enjoying this stunning place this sort of paradise on earth which Locarno is. From my hotel room I can see the “Maggiore Lake”... I though I had messed up with the Internet hotel booked but since I am going to be alone until tomorrow this place is just perfect. Waiting for you surrendered by nature, can I complain? I should go down to the town to buy things and get dinner.
Damn is too late, everything is close and seems is going to fall down the sky.. so grey...so close the storm but I don’t care.
When I returned to the hotel I ask for a big cup of coffee...Geeee how could I forget the big difference between Spanish and Italian coffee what a shame... am I Italian? (checking passport, calling my mother to ask..) MmMmM Yes I am ....At this point you know that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I keep watching TV with my eyes so damn big open, hearing the big storm and wanting to make as I was playing THE SIMS game and put high speed ... you know what I mean.....

Locarno –Switzerland July 8th

I wake up at 8 am and I am going to have breakfast in the terrace, still raining but I don’t care I know you are here so near and even with this horrible weather and that I couldn’t sleep I am so smiling....
Now I am here sitting on this bar waiting for you and watching the stage I’ve asked some guy for you and he told me .. he is here don’t worry! I wasn’t worried I just want to see you !!!!!
10:00 am What a flash...here you are

Milano- Italy July 9th

01:00 pm Hotel lobby
01:30 pm Malpensa airport
02:50 pm I was watching trough the window how AZ plane was taking off
05:25 pm Taking off to “El Prat”- Barcelona
06:40 pm Barcelona – Spain. Home sweet home???


I know you are seeing a kind of gap in here and wondering what happens between 10:00 am Locarno - Switzerland and 01:00 am Milano – Italy. A lot of things that I want to keep with me for now...

Sweet man you find my bliss state button and discover how to press it, and you are so allowed to do it every time you want, be my guest.
When I am with you I feel so comfortable in my own skin and I will keep for me all the time we spent together as I did it with.... you know ...I told you there are a lot of thing that I just want for me, and I have too many things in my head right now, so many emotions that I couldn’t assimilate yet.

“...You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault ...”*

PS: I don’t care that I couldn’t see moon & stars, nor am cause the storm, because I went there just to see and be with YOU.

* Head Over Feet lyrics by Alanis Morissette

FiNaL SeNtEnCe... ThE bLiSs Of FrEeDoM....

The final sentence was pronounced. And it says that the gifts we had made to each other are not included, material things are not inheritance from our sort of "relationship". So we can keep them. But......

I LEAVE YOU:

* My first words to you September 7th
* My particular version of OH CANADA I have recorded for you (Canadian national anthem)
* Our fist kiss Dec 8th
* The nickname I put you as "the faster runner of all times" (still smiling)
* All my kisses, my caresses, my I LOVE YOU...
* The laughs. The bliss I have felt every second we spent togheter.
* The first flower bouquet you had recieved in your life with the bear I sent to you for the six month anniversary of "knowing" and "loving you"
* The 15 days I've spent preparing you BD gift cause I was going to be in Italy (August 15th)
* My unconditional, deep and insane love for you.

I KEPT:

* The fear I have felt when I saw the little plane in Montreal airport which I had to take to see you
* The promise ".. I will go there in 4 month or so..:"
* The hours I have spent in front of my computer just to see you came online (and you logging invisible)
* The airplane tickets and hotel accomodation to go to London togheter(the city you was born)
* The hours of Checz lessions I took to surprise you...
* The nights awake just because of the hour difference was better for you.
* The horrible sensation of know you was kissing other lips
* The sad discovery ... your lies, you avoiding and hiding of me.
* Your thousand excuses
* How much I have missed you and needed you.
* Your icy silences.

"....at that particular love encouraged me to leave at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left at that particular time...." *

* THAT PARTICULAR TIME lyrics by Alanis Morissette

ToO mUcH LoVe CaN’t KiLl YoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Part : A tHaNkS PoSt.......
I feel I have to thank to a lot of people who these last day were lovely and support me in my London adventure. First I have to thanks Andrew(can't say to much.. he doesn't like to being mentioned huh) for telling me about the concert...so TY AnDrEw!!!!!!! To Zoe for buy the tickets, for contact me, for being such a sweet...so TY ZoE!!! To Marta my dear friend for taking me to the airport and going to pick up me at insane hours, do you know I love you??? Of course you know it.... TY MaRtA!!!!! To all Londoners who send me tips and recommendation to make my trip easier like Hernan, Win, Leo, Andrew (not the first one) and sorry to forget a lot of you !!!!

Second Part: CoNcErT, sEx AnD tOuRiSm In LoNdOn
As most of the people who read my blog everyday knows I went to London to a concert, my beloved **am** . Was more than amazing, I saw again Vince (huh such a sweetie), I was in front row, and it was at the time the most exciting concert I ever seen. I can feel every single song... I jumped , I singed, I cried ...I can resume all just in one word I FELT!!!! She was a kind of lost, she forgot the lyrics and was a kind of funny, but I so love her that I don’t even care and I don’t even think about take a flight to London, spent a lot of money just to FEEL her.
As I was alone ...all people had all kind of excuses (they must know Peter XDDD ) to do not travel, so I have to “love myself” hahaha if you already read me, you already know what am I talking about. I almost record it or take photos to post it on my favourite community “amateur p***” but I was more focused pleasuring myself (damn how naughty I am sometimes).
I also play a tourist....Londoners do you know how lucky are you living there? Such a beautiful city. I guess I made a sort of guiness record, with the insane hop on – hop off, running behind the guards, praying in Saint Paul’s Cathedral, getting 3 personal cards with mobiles number to get dinner (which I don’t use) I don’t fuck for a dinner....YET...lol. The Catamaran on Thames river was absolutely great, the eye, you really don’t know how many places I visit in 24 hours!!!!! I so – fucking love me!!!!!!!!!

Third Part: PeRsOnAl MeSsAgE
You already decide not to be with me there. Let me tell you something, you fucking messed up. We officially end.. and I feel a nice relief. So TY to you too.....

Fourth Part: TiMe To StArT tO MaKe ThInGs
No more NO to me or the others (well... don’t take all my words literally huh) , no more shyness, no more wasting my time waiting for you, no more delays, no more excuses, no more hiding my feelings.........

MIND THE GAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!