WhAt PaRt Of YoUr MeMoRy Is SeLeCtIvE aNd TeNdS tO fOrGeT? WhAt WiTh ThIs DiStAnCe iT sEeMs So ObViOuS?

Voluntarily absent-minded... I don't want to think about these damn thing that keeps me crying all days since... "...Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.***********************Let me take you down************************** ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout. Strawberry fields forever..." * .I want to stay in a trance-state, I need a blast, a beautiful realease. I've spent so many times withdrawing into myself , living in my coconut and seems that every time I decide to re-start my mind and reset my hard disk someone goes away displaying an error message. Yes beloved ones going away, new loves coming, and lucky true love still here....with me... Heartbuns, headaches, heartbreaks,tears for the dissapearead ones and smile, bliss, excitement about the ones are coming and for the ones I already have.
I find myself also diging in my soul but it is so harmful. And what I've founded was a lot of things that I can change, these thing doesn't depends on me so what can I do? Absolutely nothing. Positive things? I have a few "ear-people" and happy about it cause I don't want a lot but a few good ones.
Wishes... I wish I can stop crying, I wish to know you, I wish to receive all the answer to the questions I've made , I wish not to wait for you again when I so know nothing is going to change. "...We'll fast forward to a few months/years later and no one knows except the both of us and certanly I have honoured you and respect you, and you so fucking whash you hands cleans of this..." . Lets start to close circles...lets finish things. I so believe that if you don't finish a thing you will never be able to start with a new one. April 17th I've wrote "...I have open wounds, I have my own consistently-currently come and go without explanations, messing my life and breaking my heart everytime. And he revisited when he wants So sad, so frustrating so impossible to describe..." 6 months later still in the same situation? I think it's time to move my ass (and the whole world is going to feel it =) )
"...I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm DONEEEEEEEE!!! ,,," **

* Strawerry Fields by The Beattles
** Bent for you by Alanis Morissette