aNd LiFe hAs a FuNnY wAy Of HeLpInG yOu OuT wHeN YoU tHiNk EvErYtHiNg'S gOnE wRoNg AnD eVeRyThInG bLoWs Up In YoUr FaCe ....

These special days I needed to go away, I mean fisically far from my own place and think a lot looking back over my shoulderrrrssss... and realise what I want and need to change to feel comfortable in my own skin. I knew I wouldn't be able to write again until my soul stopped crying.
After two years and can't understand why, someone made blush just mentioning his name which was a sensation I didn't felt since... Canadá.... But the strange thing is that this person that I can't stop thinking about is not the kind of person that I would even look in any place. I mean is not that I have a stereotype of man, but if something attacts me and turns me on too is intelligence, and he is a wise man and I love it....Stupidity, lack of knowledge makes me run away from people...The real problem is that I don't know and maybe never know if he feels the same way I feel. I just can't tell him not even ask him, and sadly by his behavior I guess don't need to ask him anyway.... I just going to tell you here and now that I think that .....
"...Your like snow but only if it's warm
Your like rain but only if it's dry
Your like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
and you sit... and you wait... to receive
There's an obvious attraction To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence could make you try tonight ...." *

These words and senteces goes to my ex-husband sadly father of my beloved children..
- Precarious mind
- Empty soul
- Useless "human"
- Inept selfish
- Ungrateful irresponsible
"...Hello Mr. Man You didn't think I'd come back
You didn't think I'd show up with my army And this ammunition on my back
Now that I'm Miss Thing Now that I'm a zillionaire
You scan the credits for your name And wonder why it's not there ....:"**

With my highest level of rage and anger I wish I can see with my eyes the day you pay the fucking pain your a making feel my children, you just diserve the biggest punishment life can give you and I am going to be there, watching, smiling, I can say enjoying a beautiful state of sweet revenge ".....You wait and see when the smoke clears ......."
Well I know my hostile level is high too, but I feel sick and tired to try to reason with empty minds, why should I use words when they don't serve to fix things? We all had different levels of pain resistance and I had suffered an overdose. Yes I spent my life succesfuly jumping obstacles, first I was raised and teached to use my intelligence for good things, then I feed ( and keep doing it) myself and my internal non-stop, and this made possible for me to jump those obstacles and reach until today all goals I've put in my life. But I have clear that I wont waste my time trying to reason with stones, right now I will go out with my children, enjoy sunny Barcelona and see their happy eyes and smiles which are the main reason to keep going against all odds.

"....It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, life has a funny, funny way of helping you out...... Helping you out ....." ***

* Wake Up - Alanis Morissette
** Right Through You - Alanis Morissette
*** Ironic - Alanis Morissette
PS: Jagged Little Pill overdose too!