WaTcHiNg In SlOw MoTiOn.... HaUnTeD bY tHe NoTiOn ....

So-frustrating to write this but I can’t help to feel such a rage, I miss so much being loved, kissed, caressed... This is related with my last post. I receive a lot of messages from people that I don’t even know telling me oh CaREN you will find the right man, you are so cute, and friendly and wise and “sexy” haha and the man you choose to be with, will be the most happiest man on earth because you are this ..and that ... and (all kind of wonderful things that I AM NOT!!!!!! I don’t understand how people can say this things to a woman who is saying.. screaming...yelling she feels alone (putting glasses on even when she doesn’t need ones).... oh you just look around you and you will find him. Somehow, I find this to be the worst way to considers me to be permanently "just a great woman." I am not looking, so I am not going to watch around. I just miss love and I am writing it!!! I mean, I write it because I can express my feelings openly, but not to find a man , less here!!!!!
I miss enjoy the beauty of the world without someone to share it , I miss to be with someone in the most deepest of solitude and enjoy with and of him without distractions, being absolutely and just focused on him, feeling every movement in slow motion, watching him turn around to touch me..... Look into his eyes and see me there, hear our silences... Touch, taste, kiss every single part of his body.
The simple fact to feel myself unloved, the simple fact than there being no love in my life... makes me feel such nothing!!!!! So-tired of hear and read nice words about me.... What can I do to change the fact of being “so wonderful” and still being alone??????
I have a so-high capacity to receive and to give love, but actually giving it feels more than receiving it. I am surfing space trying just to find a warm hug.
Don’t want to be misunderstood or makes you think I do not receive everyday a lot of hugs, and kisses, and touchy things, and they make me feel are absolutely great that is why so many times in so many post I thank to this people.
You know what kind of love I miss and I am talking about, the one who fills you as a woman the one who will reward you with the highest prize if is returned, and punish you ALWAYS with the cruellest feel of pain.
I'm tired of being alone and I'm so-damn-scared of being with someone, but I still want to be with someone, because I miss it and because it worth. I miss love!!!!

“Dedicato a tutti quelli che sono allo sbando ...dedicato a tutti quelli che non hanno avuto ancora niente e sono ai margini da sempre!!!!!!!.....dedicato a tutti quelli che stanno aceptando dedicato a tutti quelli che rimangono dei sognatori per questo sempre più da soli” *

* Se bastasse una canzone – Lyrics by Eros Ramazzotti

PS: Look at the picture up, that is what I miss........