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YoU cAn ExPrEsS yOuR dEePeSt Of TrUtHs EvEn If It MeAnS I'Ll LOSE YOU AnD I'Ll HeAr It (aNd ThErE aRe No StRiNgS AtTaChEd To It)...

YoU cAn ExPrEsS yOuR dEePeSt Of TrUtHs EvEn If It MeAnS I'Ll LOSE YOU AnD I'Ll HeAr It (aNd ThErE aRe No StRiNgS AtTaChEd To It)... I can't afford to be misread nor misunderstood one more time... would it be whining if I said I needed a hug?. I have to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged. Let me caress you underhandedly, so many times trying to convince you that LOVE is everything it's cracked up to be, it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. But I was unworthy or maybe just not enough for you. Sadly I will never know.
I feel breathlessness just to think you are mad at me,because you are!!!! and so hard to pretend I don't care. We both know that I loved much more than you could love me back. Just one truth (it doesn't have two faces) facts,reality...
Today I've received a phone call saying the package from Canada finally arrived. Now at home I see more than gifts and words. I see the time you spent doing it, preparing it, and it worth for me more than you can even imagine. Blood relatives are together now.

I think "we're surprised we're not in a far-gone asylum, we're surprised we didn't crack-up" I was hoping we could crack each other up ..but as always sadly mistaken. I wouldn't have feigned needlessness ,I would not have been so self deprecating , I wouldn't screamed out loud how lonely I was, I wouldn't discredited every compliment nor refuse so many love ...it was your approval I wanted. So unbelievable. So pathetic..and still not ashamed..
I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain..I know where you hide.. I Know all of the things that make you who you are ... I've always tried to express my inner feelings, never meant to hurt you, "...I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell,and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt, and in the meantime I lost myself, in the meantime I lost myself. I'm sorry I lost myself….I am..." * .

I would ask you for a minute to explain my last words but I know you don't want to hear me and I respect that, just let me tell you that you are always on my mind, and you have left a mark in my heart impossible to erase, doesn't matter how much you try to disappoint me.
Peter I won't harm you or touch your defences, vanity, insecurity...I promise, but you can't erase all the past in a moment, anyway you said goodbye so many times before.....I saw you disappear fading into beautiful light and I couldn't stopped you, because that's what you wanted, that was your chose.

"...Why do you affect me? why do you affect me still?
why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still?
why do you unnerve me? why do you unnerve me still?
why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still? ..."**

* Sorry to Myself - Alanis Morissette
** Are you still mad - Alanis Morisse

1 comentario

Ricardo Brazilian -

Hi
I am brazilian
me adiciona no msn
E se vc tiver o skype me coloca lá

kiss bjussss