FrAnTiC ......ShAtTeReD

I need to cry frantically. I need to run away from my reality. But as far I want to go I arrive to nowhere. Just wonder why there are so many people who loves to hurt you, who loves to show you “how I don’t move a finger” in your face. This in not the human nature.
When someone is in a trouble or needed I don’t think for a second, I just jump to the emptiness and do whatever with no strings attached. And it is not that I am “perfect” (DON’T WANT TO NEITHER!!) , I try my best , try to be “a good human been as possible” that’s all. Why people can’t understand that with those horrible behavior they leave a gap which it will be hard to fill…they just shatter the harmony in your life and seems to be happy for it.
Those last days was like being every single minute at the wrong time. Such a confusion state, such a high stress levels that I can’t even concentrate in nothing….Now I look around, tired of cry, tired of fight, and just can see and hear people, but can’t understand what are they doing or saying, don’t want to. Just want to go away, far away, so far away….
Am I fated to not find myself? I lost myself, don’t know when…I am not me anymore since a long time ago. Do I want to find myself again or maybe for the first time?? Things are not easily to explain, but more difficult is to understand it. Everything is so unfair. Justice haha this weird word created, there is no such thing.
Where the angels our parents talk to us when we were little and ingenuous?? Where are the unselfish ones?? Where are the lovely people?? I take a look around again and nothing ……..
I make a great quantity of unfortunate choices. “..To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?No ones been crueler than I've been to me…”
“I am sorry to myself…My apologies begin here before everybody else…I am sorry to myself….For treating me worse than I would anybody else”
I am tired, I don’t want to cry anymore….I can’t cry anymore, my eyes are so dry. I GIVE UP….SORRY

1 comentario

[Xerxes - 27 de abril de 2004 - 17:32]

Im not where you are in life and in the same situation so I cant say I know what your felling or iv been there. But from what I can understand of it I think i have been there. Its hard to understand people and why they do the things they do. Its part of being a good person, sometimes I dont understand why things happen they way they do or why people have done the things they have done to me but I dont let it bother me. When i stop caring I start becoming of them and im not gonna let that happen. But what I can do is not stress it.