HoW tO kEeP sMiLiNg WhEn YoU aRe ThInKiNg Of KiLlInG yOuRsElF?

I will stop answering when I don’t want to. I will stop reading useless books. I will stop trying to change you. I will start to say NO more often. I will keep living in surviving mode (just for you two). I will stop dreaming. I will keep living in my own-self-made-coconut. I will stop blaming you all for everything. I will start to go out.

I wish I can hunt the hunter. I wish I can stop feeling this headache. I wish I can change my mind just to match with you all. I wish I can receive a message from you. I wish I can take at least one good decision. I wish I can kill the killer. I wish I can handle it. I wish this would end.

I don’t want to be with this anger. I don’t want to suffer this fight-or-fight reactions. I don’t want to be my biggest enemy. I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t want to take care of all. I don’t want to receive advises. I don’t want to suffer insomnia and be awake all night long. I don’t want to be a passive listener. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to worry about everything.

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however."

PS: SOS