I nEeDeD mOrE tImE, TiMe To SpEnT aLoNe WiTh No DiStRaCtIoN ...

Long time without spit it out all my inside-shit, it took my mind and soul until I felt more sick and tired than ever .... So I start to sing out load “...get out get outta here enough already ...get up get up get up off of it...WAKE UP...” and as always my so-tough-survival-instinct, my I—damn-don’t-know where the hell this forces come to rescue me, appears and the balance start to work.So sad reality sometimes in bliss always work.
I also decide to disconnect my orkut-dotnode-muliply-gmail-hotmail-yahoo-msn. I went to my self-made-coconut to find some peace and silence, to remember my beloved ones and think about them, to be in my so safe and comfortable place, plenty of solitude as always, but this time I need it.
I am also planning something that turns me into “bliss” state which are my children Birthday next month, October the 3rd GIANLUCA’S Geek-freak and October the 9th Princess VICTORIA. Being a kind soul and a beloved mom I am going to contribute and make richer Mr. Mc Donalds.
Watch their excited sweet faces makes me have a permanent smile, so we spent whole weekend there, writing the invitations, choosing the cakes (chocolate ones :p ), well sharing, deciding, choosing as a family we are, cause that is what we are. They don’t even ask for their father but I wish I could be for a second in their mind to know if they are suffering more than I can imagine and if I can do anything to calm their silent-pain cause I know they have it for sure.
All I can do is focus my love on them and be just a mom, maybe it’s time they feel the soul and physical absence of their father, maybe it is time to stop covering him and let them open their eyes even when I am being kind of contradictory. I don’t want them to suffer but I can’t hide them anything or lie to them. No fucking way. Anyway I am always will be “here” or “there” or “anywhere” they need me to be.
“...I recommend (you my children) biting off more than you can chew to anyone ...
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at anytime
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays) ...

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn ...” *

* YOU LEARN lyrics by Alanis Morissette