Heartless bitch

I dOn’T nEeD yOuR AtTiTuDe...I hAvE mY oWn

Today I return from job and pass through a square... was sunny and plenty of children playing. I was so tired and sleepy walking to home. I just keep watching all these children playing and laughing and enjoying...
So I open the door.. took a deep breath and say to my children COME ON.. LET’S GO TO SQUARE. And they start to jump and kiss me and say MOM I LOVE YOU!! Some simple thing can makes feel such great feelings...
By the way... I am a worker-mother-father-lawyer-sinner-saint ....and of course bitch!
It’s so difficult to explain the effort you have to make to manage this situation and the rage against the other one who “makes” with you these little and beautiful and wonderful and... (I am their mother what do you want me to say??????) creatures. Yes, my ex-husband has an extraordinary free spirit... so he left me everything and do not take care about our children, actually don’t even give them their money “to live”.. So I have to work, to be in a hundred places at same time like school, home, square, work, hospital, vacation. Oh my ..I am a Goddess!!!!!
My older it’s a boy and he wants to play football but I don’t know to play it, so I design a football camp and explain him about the 90 minutes, 45 and 45 and .... but in a paper it is not the same. I try my best but he can’t play... my explanation was not enough...
They are 6 and 4 years old and sometimes I am afraid about their futures thoughts about me. I just hope they love me and understand that I do my best with ATTITUDE!
Being mother-father worth , their smiles, kisses, hugs, words...their presence.

So-UnFiNiShEd.....

WhY PeOpLe DoN't FiNisH tHiNgS????

Did you notice that people used to finish things but
no personal relationships? We all suffer this problem.
Some people never finished former relations with others and
I am not talking just about "love" but friendship,
fights, whatever that keeps you in a relation with other.
Here the real problem is that until you or the other unfinished
things in life wounds remind open and HURTS a lot.
I have open wounds, I have my own consistently-currently
come and go without explanations, messing my life and
breaking my heart everytime. And he revisited when he wants
So sad, so frustrating so impossible to describe. And believe
me I tried so many times to send him to hell, but he looks so
gorgeous and he still can with me...cause this is unfinished
and he keeps me in this state of forever stand-by.
YOU have the power to make me feel so pathetic...just wonder if you
enjoy it... Because you know my weakness and you take advantage of
them. You are right now absence and silence."...you swear you're the
charmed ones I'm sure but how can you go on with such conviction?
who do you think you are when you question me?..."
You know who you are(to me) , you know I can't handle it.You know
everything. And let me tell you again "...I'm the most gorgeous woman
you've ever know and...You've never met anyone as everything as I am
sometimes..."
I Invite you all to start to finish things and heal wounds.

ExPrEsS yOuR tRuE fElLiNgS...LiFe Is ShOrT

Dear SILVINA you can’t imagine how much I miss you and love you. I know you don’t believe me but the image of the little lamp falling down and beating my ankle is going to remain in my mind forever, and of course my reaction and yours. I miss so much our talks, our outdoors activities with G & V. Complain: When you come to visit?
Dear JUHA: I thank God everyday for give to me the gift of you in my life. So pure soul, so strong heart, so sensitive and sweet. I was blessed with your friendship. You are always there and be sure I always will be there for you. Complain: No complains for you angel in a man body
Dear MARTAB: I guess I love you since the first time I see you. Our first sight relationship was amazing, I love the way you can make me feel. I love the fact you hate my so-dirty-way to speak, but still accept me. Complain: your icy silences, talk to me a little more often, please open your heart to me.
Dear PETER: What can I said about my feelings to you. I love you with the most deepest love a woman can have for a man. I remember every second we spent together I miss so much holding your hand in the car going to Toronto or wake up and see you there, right beside me. Or the last day we were together and you write the letter (which I keep with me) when I was taking my holy Nap. Complain: Why you never say to me I never loved you Carina......
Dear MARTALL: You rocks, how amazing complicity we have. It is a fusion of love when we look to each other eyes and we don’t need to say a word. You finish my sentences and I finish yours. I like so much when we also say to each other I love you, or when we play like naughty girls. You actually put a smile on my face. Complain: don’t run, running is not going to take you far more quickly.
Dear YOU: Why can’t you just you read my mind ????????

I wAs SaDly MiStAkEn ......

Yesterday ..... No don’t worry I am not going to sing or post Lennon song, yesterday I was shocked!!!! Why so? I receive an e-mail (huh this woman never receive e-mails??) Yes I do...But not every day an especial one, an e-mail from Peter better known as THE MASTER OF THE EXCUSES. Are you wondering who Peter is? Well we were friends.... NO, lovers .....NO, more than friend less than lovers .....NO, he was my ..... damn!!!!!! We were nothing!!!!!!!!!. OK I’ve got it, he is the last man I was inlove with. Peter M is a british-canadian so-politically correct that after 2 months without a notices about him, he send the politically correct Happy Easter Greetings to me and my family. I am absolutely NO-POLITICALY-CORRECT but I wish him the best so I replied with a smile and a lot of greeting to him and his family. His last excuse was so, so, so, I have problems today to find the right words. Well I always have this problem with P, my sweetheart.
And he is convinced with his excuses, let s see, a man who works with computers NEVER HAD 5 MINUTES TO SEND YOU A 2 LETTERS FUCKING MESSAGE. And he had an excuse always. He is amazing. I told you A MASTER OF EXCUSES. If someday you need one just call him...... But don’t ask me his phone number OK?
Maybe you are wondering also why I am being so Ironic, you must think I still love him. Let me tell you that.... after him I couldn’t love anymore, after him I remade my coconut, after him I don’t .... I can’t..... believe in love again.

I aM aWaRe NoW ...

Things to resolve today...
1) Next destination: London, Paris, Rome... Who knows? Not me (and I am the one who is going to travel huh...) Lets see London *rejected* for now , Rome (mMmMm I have too much family there and I want to be alone, don’t think so) Paris prepare yourself!!!!!! Number 1 resolved.
2) number 2 gee is CaREN in second place, so-unfair..... Maybe cause it is being so complicated, more then I ever expected.
I was exploring in my mind trying to discover who and how CaREN is. As I can not find the answer I decide to go to *dictionary* and says CaREN: woman characterised by an excessive, persistence and often irrational Fear-of-Bliss.... Also find that she lives in an own-made Coconut, almost impenetrable for most of the people. Just a few are allowed to be in touch with it. She is living there in an indefinitely state of fight-or-fight. Her coconut had a powerful protective mechanism against bliss. She is always in Red alert (so fashioned word) trying to avoid everyone/everything that could makes her happy.
Oh my God this so-dangerous, I am talking about myself in third person ....this is my house no? I don’t see any doctors around so It is OK, I am not in a psychiatric *sign*
WARNING: I am sweet, sensitive, loves to give caress and cuddles, and kisses and love. (Sounds like a commercial, sounds like I am selling myself??? )
REWARD: A lots of everything to a “very tough person” (a real Hero, a kind of Superman or Power puff girls ) who can open my Coconut and help me to get out and teach how to live in FREEDOM. Big responsibility... biggest reward .....

THE END

Well since we talk this morning I decided not to mention your name. But I think I have to explain why I don’t want to talk to you anymore and how much you helped me last night being so silly. You think my behaviour is weird or whatever I don’t care. Just let me tell you that I am wrathful by temperament, but sadly I have a rational nature (It is that a good thing?? No I don’t think so....) I know that if it could forget my mind, my heart would say yes to everything (It is that good?? No way!!!)
I have the capacity to stop myself when I notice that something/someone is going to me to make me suffer.. learn from past is called no? (knocking my head to the nearest wall)
OK I can keep writing, beats are effective. You are at the other side of this *thin net* being nice, and funny and sharing my difficult sense of humour, which I love, and I spent 10 minutes or 10 hours enjoying it. But when I shut down my computer, my jokes, and teases and good talks remind there, as well as the people who I talk to. The real problem to me is when I shut down my computer and I can’t take out of my head thoughts or...Someone !!! Worse when *someone* reminds you a BIG FORMER DISASTER IN MY LIFE a disaster that I put a name NARCISSUS. After him I know I don’t want to play with someone who play a different game. Not again.
This is for me ....“What's the matter CaREN you had a hard day.... As you place the don't disturb sign on the door. You lost your place in line again, what a pity !!!!!! You never seem to want to dance anymore”
This is for you ..”...and I noticed a letter that sat on your desk It said: "Hello love. I love you so, love. Meet me at midnight." And NO, it wasn't my writing... I'd better go soon, It wasn't my writing...” When I wrote I love you I mean it.

“But I persist and speaks louder that I know, but I resist you love not matter how low or high I go”
Lyrics By Alanis Morissette