I dOn’T nEeD yOuR AtTiTuDe...I hAvE mY oWn

Today I return from job and pass through a square... was sunny and plenty of children playing. I was so tired and sleepy walking to home. I just keep watching all these children playing and laughing and enjoying...
So I open the door.. took a deep breath and say to my children COME ON.. LET’S GO TO SQUARE. And they start to jump and kiss me and say MOM I LOVE YOU!! Some simple thing can makes feel such great feelings...
By the way... I am a worker-mother-father-lawyer-sinner-saint ....and of course bitch!
It’s so difficult to explain the effort you have to make to manage this situation and the rage against the other one who “makes” with you these little and beautiful and wonderful and... (I am their mother what do you want me to say??????) creatures. Yes, my ex-husband has an extraordinary free spirit... so he left me everything and do not take care about our children, actually don’t even give them their money “to live”.. So I have to work, to be in a hundred places at same time like school, home, square, work, hospital, vacation. Oh my ..I am a Goddess!!!!!
My older it’s a boy and he wants to play football but I don’t know to play it, so I design a football camp and explain him about the 90 minutes, 45 and 45 and .... but in a paper it is not the same. I try my best but he can’t play... my explanation was not enough...
They are 6 and 4 years old and sometimes I am afraid about their futures thoughts about me. I just hope they love me and understand that I do my best with ATTITUDE!
Being mother-father worth , their smiles, kisses, hugs, words...their presence.

InTerNaCiOnAl InDeCenT PrOpOuSaLs

This last weekend I received a lot of “international indecent proposals” that I want to share, cause I am a sort of flattered, shocked, overwhelmed, and they are pretty funny. When you spend a lot of hours on Internet and you put a suggestive picture of your lips this things can happens. Not necessarily because a lot of people understand what you try to transmit, or when they talk to you they understand you are not searching for.. looking for…desperate for SEX.
Words are so easily to misunderstand. And connecting this post with the masturbation one it is easy also to see that we women are not allowed to play with words. Our words are going to be literally understand. We can’t just tease or talk dirty cause for sure we are looking for sex. It is a law.
These are some of the histories:
“A.” a married man from Egypt : I love you Caren… If you say yes I’ll sin. Put your cam on, I am horny …….
“A.” from Bangladesh : “Hi. I have always wanted to tell you this, but have never had the courage. Dear Carina, I want to fuck you. I always have. Please contact me so that we can fix a date, time and place. A... “ textual message.
“R.” , Chinese living in Spain: invite me to masturbate us by cam, in a few words… to have Cybersex.
“W.” from Canada: basically bondage, he wants sex which is ok to me but he wants the control which is not ok to me.
“M.” from Spain invites me to play, group sex….etc…
“D” from Spain sharing some spicy pictures but pretty artistic to me.
“M” from Spain ask me to pay him ……. And counting……….
And I can keep relating a lot of anecdotes some weird, some freak, some nice, and some sweet ones.
But the real one Indecent international proposal (just for the record the name begins also with “A” ) doesn’t come. That’s life. And life most of the time sucks….

YES THIS IS MY MOUTH, ARE MY LIPS AND MY TONGUE!!!!!!!!!!

TwIsTeD BrAiN ...EnJoY yOuR bOdIeS .....

WARNING: susceptible people can feel offend by such a topic. If you suffer close-minded illness or you are sexual-conservative PLEASE DO NOT READ.

OK now I can write freely about female masturbation. OH my... For men is something natural, it is like if you at the age of 12 years old don’t masturbate yourself you are a weird guy. Also exists a kind of “masturbation party” like a pyjama’s party. Guys together masturbating one in front of each other, betting how far their shoots arrive, or how big their penis are. Also lying about sexual relationship they never had. (just for the record).
But a woman masturbation was always a taboo no one in your family was proud if you “a girl” at the age of 12 known how to do it or what it is ... And how to learn it if nobody talks about it. When guys were in their “masturbation party” we were in our pyjama’s one. It is not that I am saying “mothers of the world” teach you daughter to masturbate. NO. Not saying neither “hey girls lets masturbate all together”. I am just wondering why we can masturbate us and say it without someone look at you thinking SLUT.
OK so I am a such a SLUT hahaahha ..... I like masturbation, I enjoy masturbating myself, I consider that masturbation helps you to learn about your body and you “G” points, making your sexual life real better. So forget all you about the myth, we woman enjoy it and do it less often then men do.....
You can use a lot of things, toys, whatever you want but personally I think “hand made” things are better. But never reject other possibilities...
So I will keep exploring my body and enjoying it. And now I have to stop writing because I have a hand-hard work to do..... XDDDDD

So-UnFiNiShEd.....

WhY PeOpLe DoN't FiNisH tHiNgS????

Did you notice that people used to finish things but
no personal relationships? We all suffer this problem.
Some people never finished former relations with others and
I am not talking just about "love" but friendship,
fights, whatever that keeps you in a relation with other.
Here the real problem is that until you or the other unfinished
things in life wounds remind open and HURTS a lot.
I have open wounds, I have my own consistently-currently
come and go without explanations, messing my life and
breaking my heart everytime. And he revisited when he wants
So sad, so frustrating so impossible to describe. And believe
me I tried so many times to send him to hell, but he looks so
gorgeous and he still can with me...cause this is unfinished
and he keeps me in this state of forever stand-by.
YOU have the power to make me feel so pathetic...just wonder if you
enjoy it... Because you know my weakness and you take advantage of
them. You are right now absence and silence."...you swear you're the
charmed ones I'm sure but how can you go on with such conviction?
who do you think you are when you question me?..."
You know who you are(to me) , you know I can't handle it.You know
everything. And let me tell you again "...I'm the most gorgeous woman
you've ever know and...You've never met anyone as everything as I am
sometimes..."
I Invite you all to start to finish things and heal wounds.

AnD aLL i ReAlLy WaNt Is SoMe PATIENCE....

OuTrAgEoUs
I think I never mention I am a lawyer. At the age of 12 years old I decide I wanted to be a lawyer. I never have a doubt about it. So I went to University and make my career in 4 years and a half with goods notes. But I have to say that I NEVER BELIEVE IN JUSTICE. I think is a good human invent (sometimes good...most bad). Good to have live in a sort of “civilization”. Do you think is justice to defend a child rapier? I don’t think so... NO WAY
But I want to say something about an incident who hurts me a lot. We all are watching everyday cruel images. But the fact of a “person” making another one dig his own future grave, and then shoot him on the neck screaming to whole world DO YOU WANT TO SEE HOW AN ITALIAN DIE??? Makes me sick. It’s not because I am Italian. It is not because one “occidental” life worth more than a “oriental” one.
It is because nobody have the right to decide if we can live or not. Nobody can have the power to decide others people life. N O B O D Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t believe how an “insane” group people in the name of “who knows” can kill . I am not going to say who is right or not, cause nobody can neither say what is right or wrong. And I don’t even mind .... I AM JUST SICK !!!!!!
Do you believe in justice...NOT ME.......

WhY dO I sAy I'aM fInE wHeN iT's ObViOuS tHaT I'm NoT????

Just want to know how long can I bear this pain? Why everything arround is so dark or is it just me? My sensibility level is so hight, more then the abnormal one. Take a look arround, think about someone, think in my past, future or obscure and lonely present makes me cry. I just want to cry. I am crying. Actually the only joy I can feel is the other ones happiness. The other ones success which are my only "nice" feelings.
Don't know how to fight. Don't know wich path to follow. Don't know even if this path exists. I guess I don't know anything.
I don't want to mention my physical pains, first of all cause I will need a hundred pages just to start and second cause there are not which are killing me, my soul pain is.
That's why I have to keep living in my coconut, I feel safe in here, unhappy but safe. And no one can even unintencionally hurt me. But no one comes to rescue me anyway...so sad (laughing on me). I am not the right person to give advises but laugh on you always, I guess this is what keeps me fighting against all, like a salmon does against the running water.
why is it so hard to be objective about myself?
why do I feel frantic when I first wake up in the morning?
why do I care whether you like me or not?
why cannot I live in the moment? ..........

ThAt I wOuLd Be GoOd ...

that I would be good even if i did nothing
that I would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that i would be fine even even if I went bankrupt
that i would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great if I was no longer queen
that i would be grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be loved even when i numb myself
that i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
that i would be loved even when i was fuming
that i would be good even if i was clingy

that i would be good even if i lost sanity
that i would be good
whether with or without you

ExPrEsS yOuR tRuE fElLiNgS...LiFe Is ShOrT

Dear SILVINA you can’t imagine how much I miss you and love you. I know you don’t believe me but the image of the little lamp falling down and beating my ankle is going to remain in my mind forever, and of course my reaction and yours. I miss so much our talks, our outdoors activities with G & V. Complain: When you come to visit?
Dear JUHA: I thank God everyday for give to me the gift of you in my life. So pure soul, so strong heart, so sensitive and sweet. I was blessed with your friendship. You are always there and be sure I always will be there for you. Complain: No complains for you angel in a man body
Dear MARTAB: I guess I love you since the first time I see you. Our first sight relationship was amazing, I love the way you can make me feel. I love the fact you hate my so-dirty-way to speak, but still accept me. Complain: your icy silences, talk to me a little more often, please open your heart to me.
Dear PETER: What can I said about my feelings to you. I love you with the most deepest love a woman can have for a man. I remember every second we spent together I miss so much holding your hand in the car going to Toronto or wake up and see you there, right beside me. Or the last day we were together and you write the letter (which I keep with me) when I was taking my holy Nap. Complain: Why you never say to me I never loved you Carina......
Dear MARTALL: You rocks, how amazing complicity we have. It is a fusion of love when we look to each other eyes and we don’t need to say a word. You finish my sentences and I finish yours. I like so much when we also say to each other I love you, or when we play like naughty girls. You actually put a smile on my face. Complain: don’t run, running is not going to take you far more quickly.
Dear YOU: Why can’t you just you read my mind ????????

ThE ReaSoN .......

Today I want to talk about how happy I am (cause I never show this “part of me”) and how silly we are most of the time missing non essential things. We use to think we don’t have enough money, enough beauty, the last computer on market, etc...We spend a lot of our time thinking in what others have or do, and how much we want “their” things. Geeee lets think for a minute, things we think are “normal” really are?
Stop for a second, am I writing? Means I have hands (hahaha silly woman) yes, maybe more than silly but how many people can’t write cause don’t have a computer ,do not know to write or ever worse don’t have hands....
Most simple things we have in life are the most important ones. But why we have the tendency to ignore them....
I am blessed with a lot of things, don’t care if you think I am being arrogant, but I am a beautiful intelligent woman, a good mother, a good daughter, a good professional but most of all a nice human been result of a life surrendered by love.
So I offer you, don’t care who you are, don’t care where you are, all that I have which is my simply and complicated LOVE.
I have a lot to spare and share, that’s the reason WHAT AM I HERE !!!!!!!

“....Show me a smile, don't be unhappy can't remember when I last saw you laughing when this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear just call me up, cause you know I'll be there...”

Please if YOU ever read this, share YOUR love with me (You..you..you..Outgha know!!!!)

PS. Still waiting for a call....

LoVe & PeAcE ...StOp ViOlEnCe!!!!

"...we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and
enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
open and reach out and speak up...we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference be gentle and make room for every emotion...we'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful we would heal be humbled and be unstoppable we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which we'd release and disarm and stand up and feel safe..."
I wish you all:
* FELICES PASCUAS
* BUONA PASQUA
* HAPPY EASTER
* FROHE OSTERN
* JOYEUSES PÂQUES
Love you all ...................

I wAs SaDly MiStAkEn ......

Yesterday ..... No don’t worry I am not going to sing or post Lennon song, yesterday I was shocked!!!! Why so? I receive an e-mail (huh this woman never receive e-mails??) Yes I do...But not every day an especial one, an e-mail from Peter better known as THE MASTER OF THE EXCUSES. Are you wondering who Peter is? Well we were friends.... NO, lovers .....NO, more than friend less than lovers .....NO, he was my ..... damn!!!!!! We were nothing!!!!!!!!!. OK I’ve got it, he is the last man I was inlove with. Peter M is a british-canadian so-politically correct that after 2 months without a notices about him, he send the politically correct Happy Easter Greetings to me and my family. I am absolutely NO-POLITICALY-CORRECT but I wish him the best so I replied with a smile and a lot of greeting to him and his family. His last excuse was so, so, so, I have problems today to find the right words. Well I always have this problem with P, my sweetheart.
And he is convinced with his excuses, let s see, a man who works with computers NEVER HAD 5 MINUTES TO SEND YOU A 2 LETTERS FUCKING MESSAGE. And he had an excuse always. He is amazing. I told you A MASTER OF EXCUSES. If someday you need one just call him...... But don’t ask me his phone number OK?
Maybe you are wondering also why I am being so Ironic, you must think I still love him. Let me tell you that.... after him I couldn’t love anymore, after him I remade my coconut, after him I don’t .... I can’t..... believe in love again.

I aM aWaRe NoW ...

Things to resolve today...
1) Next destination: London, Paris, Rome... Who knows? Not me (and I am the one who is going to travel huh...) Lets see London *rejected* for now , Rome (mMmMm I have too much family there and I want to be alone, don’t think so) Paris prepare yourself!!!!!! Number 1 resolved.
2) number 2 gee is CaREN in second place, so-unfair..... Maybe cause it is being so complicated, more then I ever expected.
I was exploring in my mind trying to discover who and how CaREN is. As I can not find the answer I decide to go to *dictionary* and says CaREN: woman characterised by an excessive, persistence and often irrational Fear-of-Bliss.... Also find that she lives in an own-made Coconut, almost impenetrable for most of the people. Just a few are allowed to be in touch with it. She is living there in an indefinitely state of fight-or-fight. Her coconut had a powerful protective mechanism against bliss. She is always in Red alert (so fashioned word) trying to avoid everyone/everything that could makes her happy.
Oh my God this so-dangerous, I am talking about myself in third person ....this is my house no? I don’t see any doctors around so It is OK, I am not in a psychiatric *sign*
WARNING: I am sweet, sensitive, loves to give caress and cuddles, and kisses and love. (Sounds like a commercial, sounds like I am selling myself??? )
REWARD: A lots of everything to a “very tough person” (a real Hero, a kind of Superman or Power puff girls ) who can open my Coconut and help me to get out and teach how to live in FREEDOM. Big responsibility... biggest reward .....

THE END

Well since we talk this morning I decided not to mention your name. But I think I have to explain why I don’t want to talk to you anymore and how much you helped me last night being so silly. You think my behaviour is weird or whatever I don’t care. Just let me tell you that I am wrathful by temperament, but sadly I have a rational nature (It is that a good thing?? No I don’t think so....) I know that if it could forget my mind, my heart would say yes to everything (It is that good?? No way!!!)
I have the capacity to stop myself when I notice that something/someone is going to me to make me suffer.. learn from past is called no? (knocking my head to the nearest wall)
OK I can keep writing, beats are effective. You are at the other side of this *thin net* being nice, and funny and sharing my difficult sense of humour, which I love, and I spent 10 minutes or 10 hours enjoying it. But when I shut down my computer, my jokes, and teases and good talks remind there, as well as the people who I talk to. The real problem to me is when I shut down my computer and I can’t take out of my head thoughts or...Someone !!! Worse when *someone* reminds you a BIG FORMER DISASTER IN MY LIFE a disaster that I put a name NARCISSUS. After him I know I don’t want to play with someone who play a different game. Not again.
This is for me ....“What's the matter CaREN you had a hard day.... As you place the don't disturb sign on the door. You lost your place in line again, what a pity !!!!!! You never seem to want to dance anymore”
This is for you ..”...and I noticed a letter that sat on your desk It said: "Hello love. I love you so, love. Meet me at midnight." And NO, it wasn't my writing... I'd better go soon, It wasn't my writing...” When I wrote I love you I mean it.

“But I persist and speaks louder that I know, but I resist you love not matter how low or high I go”
Lyrics By Alanis Morissette

KiSS Me....

I am pretty OUT OF ME right now, I am not going to tell you what am I do (hehhe) so maybe I can regret what I write right now. This kind of unconscious it is good to express thing you don’t want or can’t or feel ashamed to say.
Right now I am thinking about have sex (huh) and with someone in special (huh) his name is (huh) NO WAY!! I am not going to write it. He knows…
Ok.. I’ll tell you that I return to my work after a lunch and I guess I drink too much wine, which I never do, so don’t take my words literally.
Last night I find myself searching for a trip to London (I start to think with my low head…oops I haven’t) and thank God I am a so-repressed woman than I decide to delete of my mind this kind of dangerous thoughts!!! Hahaha I am laughing of myself …so sad..
Let me tell you that a lunch with Cuban people can be dangerous, most if you don’t drink *blink*blink*.
I guess I am laughing because I wont cry anymore, so I have plans, but the bad part ca is I can’t do it by myself, always I need the other fucking *blooding * part forever …So be prepared, I am starting to lose my fear of bliss, my shyness and my repressive thoughts.
You have my mobile number no? Waiting…..A lots of kisses and hugs and e v e r y t h i n g !!!

Soul-Mate-Angel

This lines are dedicated to a gorgeous man. Yes gorgeous outside but most beautiful inside. I use to call him Angel ... “...there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day...” . He shines, his smile makes you smile, and his shyness is so provocative....... Let me tell you that you are like snow only if is warm, or rain only if is dry. I wish I could express myself in your language, I wish I could be holding your hand and talk to you for hours until the sun comes up. I wish I could explain so many thing from life to you, and breathe into you to makes you feel good. I am not telling you aren’t strong, in fact maybe you are stronger than me, but I have more than a few years (huh) than you ... But I realise that we are living a similar situation, that our needs are the same, doesn’t matter age, or distance or different cultures. So this is for you “in the arms of an angel far away from there from your dark cold room and the endlessness that you fear, you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie...you're in the arms of your soul-mate-Angel... and may you find some comfort here (with me) "
This lines are for you Mathieu or Tito, my little sweet soul-mate-angel ... As I told you I am going to learn french. Lots of love ...............

FEAR of BLISS

All people who speaks with me after read some of my one-million profiles use to think or I am extremely depressive which I am not!!!! Most of my sentences comes from songs. Until I find this way to express my feelings I use the ones who describe them most similar way possible.
Also I find it like a perfect way to send “the” messages I am not able to send because of fear or “distance” . A message like “Its like you wouldn’t even notice when you really turn me on” or “Don’t you know I still need to know about you?”
Open your heart to people who doesn’t know you can be dangerous but you’ll regret about risks you never take. Open your heart to people that knows you is even worse!!!
When you give your heart you receive pain, ALWAYS.
When we love we must receive a “tip-book” a “survival-book” . Do not matters who we love, how much do we love , how long it will be, we always going to suffer, we will receive pain, a sort of punishments for the “nice moments and bliss we lived”. This last sentence is to let you know that I don’t think when you are inlove you feel just pain, NO!!!! One second of Bliss with your beloved one is like a billion bad moments... That’s the reason I am SO-FEAR of BLISS. Don’t you are too??????

Only IGNORANCE can turn a symbol of LOVE into HATE

THE EYES OF DISTRUST - OUTRAGEOUS
I feel angry and rage and impotence. These are the moments when you ask yourself.. Deserves to be a *good person* if you have to receive as consequences pain, indifference, loneliness or even worse and outrageous that people watch to you with distrust, or think you are the most false person they even known?
And you used to think they trust you, and love you. But today their smiles and eyes have changed. Take you all back your untrust look but I don t want back your trust in my life, just leave me here with these tears (which are real)… I can't and wont forget the D day you change.
Today I wish I can take all my things and go away from all your fake smiles and words
You must be coherent with your thoughts and if someone can convince you to change lying, cheating you and you have not your mind clear to understand that someone is laughing on you and thinking you are not so *clever and wise* as her/him, I don´t need you, I don´t want you in my life. Door is open, please be feel comfortable to leave , you are SO-INVITED !!!!!

Solo la Ignorancia puede hacer cambiar el simbolo del amor por el del odio

LOS OJOS DE LA DESCONFIANZA - INDIGNANTE me siento enojada con rabia e impotencia. Estos son los momentos en que me pregunto. ¿Merece ser a * buena persona * si lo que vas a recibir como consecuencias es dolor , indiferencia, soledad o aún peor e indignante... que la gente te mire con desconfianza, o piensen que eres la persona más falsa que han conocido? Y yo que pensaba que confiaban en mi y que me querían. Pero hoy sus sonrisas y ojos han cambiado. Llevaos toda vuestas miradas de desconfianza , es que ya no quiero vuestra confianza en mi vida, dejadme aquí con mis lágrimas (que son verdaderas) No podré y no me olvidaré del día de D en que habeis cambiado. Desearía poder coger hoy todas mis cosas e irme lejos de todas vuestras sonrisas y palabras "fingidas" . Uno debe ser coherente con sus pensamientos y si alguien puede convencerle a través de la mentira, el engaño y si no tienes tu mente lo suficientemente clara para entender que alguien se está riendo de ti y pensándo que no eres tan * lista/o y sabia/o * como ella/él, entonces alli es donde no te necesito ni te deseo en mi vida. La puerta esta abierta. Por favor sientete cómoda/o para irte de mi vida. Estas TAN-INVITADA/O !!!!!

TEARS FROM SOUL

I don't know how many tears I cried this afternoon. I just feel a mixed of rage, and sadness. I received a lot of nice words, and a lot of affection from people. But it is easy to say YOU TOOK THE RIGHT DECISION .. YOU ARE A VERY STRONG WOMAN, YOU HAVE A LOT OF COURAGE. What about this horrible feeling??? Ok I decide to *try* to "forget" and "forgive".
"...we would share, and listen, and support, and welcome, be propelled by passion, not invest in outcomes, we would breathe, and be charmed, and amused by difference, be gentle and make room for every emotion.." A room for every emotion. TODAY I CLOSE DEFENETELY AN EMOTIONAL ROOM AND THREW THE KEY TO THE DEEPEST OCEAN....

UNINVITED

First time I heard this song I was *shocked* ... It is a sort of *orgasm*. Start with 4 piano notes and finish like an orchestra. I don t know if I said it but I am a **singer** and after a few years I took courage and record the song. Everytime I hear it I feel like I am beeing transportated to a beautiful and warm place pretty quiet BUT at same time I feel myself overwhelmed and I could (at finish)start to run without destination wanted to feel the wind on my face. I "INVITE" you all to hear it. Here is the lyric..
"Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate ..."

Lyric by Alanis Nadine Morissette

SO UNLUCKY

Yesterday I litaraly explode... Too much love can kill you, too much pain too? NO!!! I feel so unsexy, so unlucky that I bet you that if I jump right now from my fifth floor I ll remain alive, all destroyed, probably on a wheelchair for the rest of my life but with my mind CLEAR , so piece of shit (bad example why a piece of shit is something awfull, how many people got orgasms with shit- no commentaries-). I fell so unloved, and this weird feel of loneliness which is like beeing in the middle of WOODSTOCK CONCERT surrendered by 2 million people and still feeling alone.
As I wrote a few lines up, yesterday I cried like an hour, feeling such a pain, and thinking only I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I CANT FIGHT ANYMORE!!!!
How long can a person resist pain, my soul hurts , but my body also hurts. Dont want to think in people who is feeling worse than me or living worse than me like I am SO lucky cause their children are beeing killed by one of the so-fashioned "created wars" or geeee they are dying because they dont have anything to eat and I have more than a few extra pounds.... I think is not the way to stop feeling bad, it is a kind of I FEEL WORSE cause I cant do anything for them. So what s the solution???? Stop thinking??? Impossible.
So I guess I must start to think about the good things I have in my life, SURPRISED?? Don t be, I have a lot of good things in my life. But this stupid pain block my whole life... don t allowed me to enjoy , and life don t stop, so if I don t start to run and considering good things I have the CaREN's life puzzle will be undone. It is time to start to do the things I always wanted to do, it is my time... But still doubting am I be strong enough......