To LoVe AnD rEsPeCt ShOuLd Be ThE OnLy RuLz ....

Today is one of this day I feel comfortable with myself, I feel pretty and wise and a good person. I am not living the most great stage of my life, I am making a lot of changes, smiling, yelling, crying, walking, living (still in “ survival mode” )
These last days were a kind of so-weird-mixed feelings. I think when you are changing (whatever you change even your undies ) until you find the “exact” position you want to reach, your world shakes a lot, a kind of personal earthquake that can be 1 or 10 at Richter scale, in fact like real ones start with a little movements and then fffffffff goes on and on, and you don’t know exactly how long is going to be you life in this no-end-rollercoaster-mess.
Respect yourself, love yourself it more difficult then respect others. And have others respect is one of the most greatest things you can have in you life. Of course love is the big one .... If respect and love rules your life anything can be bad or at least you are going to make less mistakes. Respect and love should be always together . You can’t love without respect, and you can’t respect without love.... Just impossible...
I have to thank the fact I don’t hate. I use the word and know the meaning but I never feel it. I think really that we all were born as “angels” and life and so-called-civilisation turns as “evils”. As we all have a feminine and masculine part. I use to define myself as a SINNER&SAINT cause that’s how I feel I am. In my SAINT side you will find the respectful, grateful, beautiful, never lie, no false CaREN.. In my SINNER side you will find the angry, outgoing teaser, absent, hard to forgive (have to work this last one) CaREN.

“And you've never met anyone As negative as I am sometimes...
And you've never met anyone As positive as I am sometimes...
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes...
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes...”**

**EVERYTHING lyrics by Alanis Morissette

HoW tO kEeP sMiLiNg WhEn YoU aRe ThInKiNg Of KiLlInG yOuRsElF?

I will stop answering when I don’t want to. I will stop reading useless books. I will stop trying to change you. I will start to say NO more often. I will keep living in surviving mode (just for you two). I will stop dreaming. I will keep living in my own-self-made-coconut. I will stop blaming you all for everything. I will start to go out.

I wish I can hunt the hunter. I wish I can stop feeling this headache. I wish I can change my mind just to match with you all. I wish I can receive a message from you. I wish I can take at least one good decision. I wish I can kill the killer. I wish I can handle it. I wish this would end.

I don’t want to be with this anger. I don’t want to suffer this fight-or-fight reactions. I don’t want to be my biggest enemy. I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t want to take care of all. I don’t want to receive advises. I don’t want to suffer insomnia and be awake all night long. I don’t want to be a passive listener. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to worry about everything.

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however."

PS: SOS

HeArTbUrN aNd HeAdAcHeS aNd SoOn-To-Be UlCeRs

I feel so hating myself today. I feel bad inside, outside, beside, up, down .....
I feel my life sucks, I wish I can jump from my window and stop the pain. I feel, I wish... but I can not be selfish, I haven’t this opportunity who only blessed people have, I haven’t this choice because I have 2 reasons to keep fighting against ...myself???
I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to be with anyone. I don’t want to speak, to talk, to hear, to breathe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have such indignant feeling of I JUST CAN NOT DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE MY F*CKING LIFE and neither to stop it.
I am under all kind of pressure you can not even imagine. I have the weight of everything and everyone on me, I have to carry with it, it is my duty.
I wont ask if is fair or not ,, cause I said several times I do not believe in justice, and besides fair or unfair WTF ??? Who cares about me?? Maybe Dr. Kevorkian will come up with an internet-based suicide-inducing mechanism to end my pain. It would be helpful.
“And all I really want is some patience ,
a way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance...
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...” *

It is anyone out there of my self-made-own-coconut???

* All I really want Lyrics by Alanis Morissette

I bEcAmE iNsAnE wItT lOnG iNtErVaLs Of HoRrIbLe SaNitY

I would like to know why some people consider such a bad thing that being healthily insane. I am proud of being insane. In my humble opinion I get really scare with the ones who “are” or “pretend” to be healthy (mentally speaking of course).
These last days I am a little tired to read people judging me and what I write and I consider the possibility to stop doing it. If you want to say something say it there or HERE …that is the reason LEAVE A COMMENT exists!!!!! Someone get mad on me, someone want to know everything (more than they can read between the lines) you will be shocked to know how people investigates private things that I DON’T WANT TO POST OR SAY. Other takes my words literally which is absolutely wrong…..
But as I wrote it on my first post this is a kind of relief, to write for me anything that comes to my head at the moment helps me to feel comfortable with myself. Being an openly “writer” blogger it is a good thing for me.. So I wont stop it.
Let me post this beautiful story that I like a lot: “I walked with my father when he stopped in a curve and after a small silence he asked me: Do you "hear something more than singing of the birds? " I made worse later my hearings and some seconds after I responded him: "Yes, it is the noise of a cart." "That is" - my father said - it is "an empty" cart. I asked to my father: "How do you know that it is an empty cart, if we don't still see it? " Then my father responded: It is "very easy to know when a cart is empty, by reason of the noise. The more empty it is, bigger is the noise."
I became adult and until today when I see a person speaking too much, interrupting the conversation of all, being inopportune or violent, showing off of what has, feeling superior and minimizing people, or to those that cannot be without the stimulus of a television or of speakers that impede all dialogue type, I have the impression of hearing my father's voice saying: "The more empty the cart, bigger is the noise "
And at the same time, how happy the feel the heart when we see pass a replete cart of beautiful load. Silent….. Full….. “

That is what I want ,open my heart to all of you and being replete of beautiful loads, and transmit and send it you through my words.
Love.
CaREN
xxxxx

GeT oUt..GeT oUtTa HeRe EnOuGh AlReAdY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To: NARCISSUS
From: MARY JANE

How can I do to break with past? Seems and sound so simply, It is past, just forget it …. Is like I am a so-freak person. Do I have my eyes on my neck or my ass? I really don’t know, but seems it is, normally with your eyes in your face you look forward, you have to turn around to see your past, but I have not to do it, I can see it without turning…
I just can think of you and so long since I can’t see you, so long since I can’t hear you, so long since I can’t touch you…. How can be possible that you keep living in my heart and don’t allowed to any other person to be there.. why don’t you go away? I am not talking about the kind of distance we had since the time we met until now. I wish I can turn kilometres/miles (whatever) distance into heart distance.
Why do you have the power to make me feel that any other person is not good enough for me? Why do you have such a power to makes me run away for every man who wants to be with me?
Do I give you this so-power-control-of-my-f*cking-life? Do I? God I so hate myself sometimes!!!
You’re my damn NARCISSUS …. I am so tempted to call you, to write you, to share with you my last months, my bliss and my darkness, but I know you are not there for me. I don’t know what I wouldn’t give to hear your voice again, to feel you hands on me, to look at your eyes… But damn, you just made me and makes me cry, I don’t want to suffer for you anymore most when I know I mean nothing for you… Why you lie to me? Why you said ..I will go and you never came????? Well to be honest I don’t if you came and never said it…. I don’t believe in you…
“What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day As you place the don't disturb sign on the door… I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane What's the point of trying to dream anymore….So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish Worry not about the cars that go by All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom Keep warm my dear, keep dry “ **

GET OUT..GET OUTTA HERE…ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

** Mary Jane Lyrics by Alanis Morissette

SeX, tHaNk GoD wE dOn’T nEeD dRuGs AnD RoCk n’ RoLl

I wonder how can two “normal” girls (at first sight) can be and act in so crazy way. Everyday with my friend Marta we go to some place to get lunch, can be her house or a restaurant, whatever . The other day we found a “fellatio song” Yes you read it OK... We were in the car, she was driving and they play on the radio a Kylie Minogue song (sorry don’t know if is right spelled) I can’t get you out of my head... and we start to make a sort of sexual karaoke pretending to sing like if we were giving oral sex. Can you get the pic? We both like having penis in our hands, singing the song out loud and making naughty faces. And as always we forgot about the people around......
Of course everytime we are in the car we put the radio on trying to find some fellatio song and all songs match to do it. Geeeeee you have to see Marta performing! OH MY GOD!!! She is lovely! As we were searching for another song the radio station start to play Classic Music.... oh my ..... our tongues moving like instruments, was so f*cking funny!!!! But the craziest part is that we thought about performing this kind of things on clubs !!!!! And we were serious about this..
I guess she is having too much sex and I am having NO SEX at all , so we balance our sex lives doing this kind of crazy things. She is so-inhibited to have sex and I am exactly the opposite. I can speak by myself of course, but I never conceived sex without any other attraction that physical. I always needed to feel something more than this.
Now I am in the stage I want to make naughty things but I am so picky at same time...... I guess I haven’t sex since long time ago that I can consider myself virgin again!!!!!!!! XDDDD.... Am I laughing, don’t supposed to be crying????
Well sex never was the most important thing in my life, but considering the long time I don’t have it (well I have it often with my hands...is this sex???) I wouldn’t mind to have it with one....two.... three... ten.... Oh oh ... I have to start to think seriously about having it .....XDDDD

PS. Fill the form and send it to me =)

WaTcHiNg In SlOw MoTiOn.... HaUnTeD bY tHe NoTiOn ....

So-frustrating to write this but I can’t help to feel such a rage, I miss so much being loved, kissed, caressed... This is related with my last post. I receive a lot of messages from people that I don’t even know telling me oh CaREN you will find the right man, you are so cute, and friendly and wise and “sexy” haha and the man you choose to be with, will be the most happiest man on earth because you are this ..and that ... and (all kind of wonderful things that I AM NOT!!!!!! I don’t understand how people can say this things to a woman who is saying.. screaming...yelling she feels alone (putting glasses on even when she doesn’t need ones).... oh you just look around you and you will find him. Somehow, I find this to be the worst way to considers me to be permanently "just a great woman." I am not looking, so I am not going to watch around. I just miss love and I am writing it!!! I mean, I write it because I can express my feelings openly, but not to find a man , less here!!!!!
I miss enjoy the beauty of the world without someone to share it , I miss to be with someone in the most deepest of solitude and enjoy with and of him without distractions, being absolutely and just focused on him, feeling every movement in slow motion, watching him turn around to touch me..... Look into his eyes and see me there, hear our silences... Touch, taste, kiss every single part of his body.
The simple fact to feel myself unloved, the simple fact than there being no love in my life... makes me feel such nothing!!!!! So-tired of hear and read nice words about me.... What can I do to change the fact of being “so wonderful” and still being alone??????
I have a so-high capacity to receive and to give love, but actually giving it feels more than receiving it. I am surfing space trying just to find a warm hug.
Don’t want to be misunderstood or makes you think I do not receive everyday a lot of hugs, and kisses, and touchy things, and they make me feel are absolutely great that is why so many times in so many post I thank to this people.
You know what kind of love I miss and I am talking about, the one who fills you as a woman the one who will reward you with the highest prize if is returned, and punish you ALWAYS with the cruellest feel of pain.
I'm tired of being alone and I'm so-damn-scared of being with someone, but I still want to be with someone, because I miss it and because it worth. I miss love!!!!

“Dedicato a tutti quelli che sono allo sbando ...dedicato a tutti quelli che non hanno avuto ancora niente e sono ai margini da sempre!!!!!!!.....dedicato a tutti quelli che stanno aceptando dedicato a tutti quelli che rimangono dei sognatori per questo sempre più da soli” *

* Se bastasse una canzone – Lyrics by Eros Ramazzotti

PS: Look at the picture up, that is what I miss........

WhAt I wOuLdN't GiVe To FiNd A sOuL mAtE

Today I want to know why I so difficult to find YOU... Am I being so-selective? Do I worth? Can I make somebody else feel in bliss? Can someone fall in love with me? So many questions and no answers.
I just want someone by my side who cuddles me, and kiss me, and caress me, and an important thing someone who makes me laugh…. laugh insanely NON STOP... 24/7 ...365/365 . I am not the kind of woman who looks for material things (hey if you want to send me a sapphire ring I wont say no, just ask for my address and send it by UPS hahahhaa). Out of jokes, I love simply things… If you want to make my day just with a message to my mobile you can do it. WHAT AM I DOING??? Doesn’t sound like I am selling or offering myself???? Anyway I am a good seller and a the best “product” you can find on market hahahaahha. Sorry I can not help it, you know I love to laugh on me!!!!!
Should I remain alone when I need so much someone with me? How can I jump the love-heart-relationship obstacles???
I know that you come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. And I know also I don’t want a perfect person even when everybody knows it not exists… When I love someone, I love unconditionally , and as I have a million.. a billion.. a trillion defects and people who loves me accept me with them, I do the same thing. Some singer define me in her song , so good CaREN description “ … I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between …. I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess on my knees When you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover, I've been numb, I'm revived, Can't say I'm not alive.. So TaKe Me As I aM…..” I wonder if the song writer knows me ….:******”
Why is so difficult to find someone who wants to share love and receive EVERYTHING from me??? What is wrong here? Or out there?? Am I good enough? Am I lovely enough? Am I bitch enough???
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, Find my soul and I'm yours forever.

CaREN WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!! The only things in life you regret, are the risks that you didn't take!!!!!!!!!!

PS: you all can take risks with me too ah!!!! XDDDDD

ViNcE tHe MaN WhO mAkEs Me BeLiEvE iN mEn AgAin

What can I say about Vince…. Sometimes I wonder about these angels that our mothers talk about when we were little kids. These angels are real and you can find them around the corner. I met one 3 years ago in Italy and I won’t
be able to see “his inside angel” at the time. This angel was named VINCE…
The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of special love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life.
After a long time being an officially I-don’t-believe-in-men just because they are men, and to distrust them, I can say him made me trust again. Why so? I just can tell you I saw him just three times in my life in three different countries. Because his work he used to travel and see a lot of people, and when I say a lot I mean thousands …..
But some summer day at Nimes -France I was absolutely of shocked by him, and believe me, it is not easy to shock me!!!
Now I am going to tell you how he did it. I asked him for a favor and he make my day, my week, my year, my decade, my…… He made me the most wonderful gift I ever received after my children. In fact he made me two gifts. First one, the one which shocked me was he saying to me “I remember you from Italy, you was sitting on the stairs, wearing a black leather pants, I remember you.” After a whole year and thousands of people!!! how can he remember me??? How can he remember what I was wearing?? or
were I was ?? I can feel shivers every time I remember his words, he made me feel absolutely special. Extra, Super, Hyper flattered!!!!!!
The second gift was a material one which is, I repeat the most greatest gift I ever received because WHAT IS IT and because it was with no string attached to it…..May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness and tied with love….
I saw him last Saturday again and he came to me and with his friendly and touchy smile just to say Hi again, this time In London.
So at the time you must be wondering how could a man made me believe in men again…Because he made me gifts??? NO WAY !!!!!. Because his position and work and the special circumstances I am there when he is there ( and reverse) , he could ask to me whatever he wants, and If you want me to be more specific he can ask for my soul, and I mean it….. But he did not. He just give love materialized in a spiritual and material gifts. I would love to know more about him, but right now I just want to thank him... if I close my eyes I can see him smiling and doing his job…..
Once in awhile, Right in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a fairy tale. This is the kind of love I want from people, this is the only way to love that I understand… so simple…so amazing… so unforgettable….

ToO mUcH LoVe CaN’t KiLl YoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Part : A tHaNkS PoSt.......
I feel I have to thank to a lot of people who these last day were lovely and support me in my London adventure. First I have to thanks Andrew(can't say to much.. he doesn't like to being mentioned huh) for telling me about the concert...so TY AnDrEw!!!!!!! To Zoe for buy the tickets, for contact me, for being such a sweet...so TY ZoE!!! To Marta my dear friend for taking me to the airport and going to pick up me at insane hours, do you know I love you??? Of course you know it.... TY MaRtA!!!!! To all Londoners who send me tips and recommendation to make my trip easier like Hernan, Win, Leo, Andrew (not the first one) and sorry to forget a lot of you !!!!

Second Part: CoNcErT, sEx AnD tOuRiSm In LoNdOn
As most of the people who read my blog everyday knows I went to London to a concert, my beloved **am** . Was more than amazing, I saw again Vince (huh such a sweetie), I was in front row, and it was at the time the most exciting concert I ever seen. I can feel every single song... I jumped , I singed, I cried ...I can resume all just in one word I FELT!!!! She was a kind of lost, she forgot the lyrics and was a kind of funny, but I so love her that I don’t even care and I don’t even think about take a flight to London, spent a lot of money just to FEEL her.
As I was alone ...all people had all kind of excuses (they must know Peter XDDD ) to do not travel, so I have to “love myself” hahaha if you already read me, you already know what am I talking about. I almost record it or take photos to post it on my favourite community “amateur p***” but I was more focused pleasuring myself (damn how naughty I am sometimes).
I also play a tourist....Londoners do you know how lucky are you living there? Such a beautiful city. I guess I made a sort of guiness record, with the insane hop on – hop off, running behind the guards, praying in Saint Paul’s Cathedral, getting 3 personal cards with mobiles number to get dinner (which I don’t use) I don’t fuck for a dinner....YET...lol. The Catamaran on Thames river was absolutely great, the eye, you really don’t know how many places I visit in 24 hours!!!!! I so – fucking love me!!!!!!!!!

Third Part: PeRsOnAl MeSsAgE
You already decide not to be with me there. Let me tell you something, you fucking messed up. We officially end.. and I feel a nice relief. So TY to you too.....

Fourth Part: TiMe To StArT tO MaKe ThInGs
No more NO to me or the others (well... don’t take all my words literally huh) , no more shyness, no more wasting my time waiting for you, no more delays, no more excuses, no more hiding my feelings.........

MIND THE GAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I wInK YoU wIlL dO wHaT i WaNt ... WiNk To Me AnD I wIlL dO tHe ReSt....

Do you know how powerful weapon can be just a simple “wink”??? I can tell you...Sadly I have to say women had more success with it. When I need something I know I can blink and I repeat I was to get it. Do you want an example of the so-called-power we have? OK a year ago my grandma had to take a plane and we all know that before Sep 11th security on airports should be 100%. Well I decide to wear an “almost” t-shirt whit the American flag crossing my breast...well barely covering them. First thing I did was look for a man in check in flights... Then go directly to him and “wink” with a baby face and ask for my grandma’s boarding passes (three) to arrive to her destination. This poor guy was so nervous that he had to do it two times. That was my first “bitch” act at airport. Next step should be go into the “private” part where you are only allowed to get in with a boarding pass which I had not!!!! So I get the attitude, put a little bit down my “almost” T-shirt and walk with my grandma where the “security” was. Again frightened baby face I ask with soft voice to go with my grandma until the plane door. What do you think policeman and airport security men did? Of course they don’t check if I had a bomb, they just see my own “bombs” and of course I get in... I got it with a simple wink and to be fair with my pair of .....Of course I can’t resist a “wink” from a man. Someone can?? Not me. I love to tease and be teased. The play. Eyes speaks. I remember once a woman told me “you have smile eyes” she was making a paint of my face. Through the eyes you can notice happiness, sadness, love... The look of an in love person is so beautiful. The mother’s eyes watching her children is amazing... Unforgettable eyes... I will remember your eyes always. I think eyes are sexy.

Please WINK more often and if is to me I will be flattered...

PeRsEvErAnCe.. YoU “CAN” AlWaYs GeT wHaT yOu WaNt

Oh my how to start with this happiness, this excitement running through my veins??? Put me obstacles you f*cking asshole, I will jump them , you can put them high to me but HIGH !!!
I feel myself on extreme BLISS state level, which is overwhelmed . I can do whatever … crazy things, I don’t care, I don’t want to stop for a second to do things if they are crazy what the hell… in fact last night I do a really crazy thing , do you want a tip?? just one word “phone”…
I think is time to star to do the thing that I want to do, and the good thing is I can make my dream comes true by myself, with attitude, no matter how high the obstacles are…
Why this joy? If you know me you can relate my next weekend trip to London. Oh my God I love England, I love English, I love life, I love everything!!!!!!!!!!
Oops you have to see me …. Singing while I walk on the streets, smiling for everything or nothing, I don’t walk I make little jumps, I feel like a kangaroo . I guess my eyes are so bright that people notice my so-bliss state. And the other good thing…they are happy for me.
Let me enjoy my bliss second and share it with you…..I love to share good things… Now I would love to call someone who is far away but I know that my happiness is also a sort of bad thing for the people who hates others joy… And you are one of these, in fact you never shared anything with me. Anyway why think about you, why bring something sad now to my life (brain balance????)
I want to thank you for being there all the time, for supporting, for your calls, for your words.
“And I salute me for my courage, and I applaud my perseverance, and I embrace me for my faith in the face of adversarial forces that I represent…”
“and I support me in my trusting and I commend me for my wisdom, and I'm amazed by my surrender in the face of threatening forces t hat I represent….”

I aM sOrRy I lOvE mYsElF...

I DoN’t WaNt AnYbOdY eLsE ...WhEn I ThInK aBoUt YoU I tOuCh MySeLf

Spring time seems to bring again winds of sexual feelings... Don’t you feel this warm....hot wind coming right to you??? I do.
The possibility of exploring kinks with a new partner? An strange one? Who wants now with this HOT AIR WHICH SPRING BRINGS be romantic. NO WAY. We feel we want to be kinky and obscene (CaREN thoughts OK?)
Role playing mMmMmMm ..Want to play naughty nurses? Of course you do XD. Actually I am playing the role but in a virtual community which helps me a lot to open myself and begin to be a naughty nurse in real life.
I have to say in bed I consider myself as dominant but I really want to experience the submissive role, not absolutely , I love to have at least a little bit of control. I have to trust you so much to give you the entire power. And if I trust you feel free to use handcuff, and blindfolds with me. Oops I love to be tied and tied. Always in a smooth way.
In a sexual relationship can’t miss dirty talks (if you don’t talk dirty to me please put your clothes on and get out!!!) , sexual sounds (don’t be disgusting please), slap my ass but not too damn hard or I will turn around and slap your face ha ha ha....
MMM What about a teasing touch somewhere public, PUBLIC PLACES.... OK all we do things at beach, a plane, a square, a car, these are pretty normal “outdoor places” to me (outdoor = not our bored bedrooms , that is the sort of thing I mean) . I guess I prefer to relate outdoors with exhibitionism. I mean I want to be watched.
I am a Tongue play addict, I just love to play with my tongue, I do not conceive a sexual act without it, to lick with slow and rapid movements, suck everything , taste every part, and put it hard and penetrate a man with it is for me such a pleasure, and of course “Anal play definitely...” with fingers, tongue, dick, or whatever you have in your hand ........
Talking about limits...Actually I have plenty of limits, I can play and I love to with borderline but I can't think of anything that would make me bleed or practise watersports on me NO PAIN, NO SKIN MARKS, NO PEE please!!!!!.
I just love spring time...don’t you?

PS: *Andrew* want to play naughty nurses with me??? I don't want anybody else when I think about you I touch myself !!!!!!

EvEn tHoUgH yOu MaY nOt BeLiEvE mE....

But I would be capable to make one for you. I know I have limited material resources but I have unlimited love to do it.
“Every time I think of you I always catch my breath....And I'm still standing here ...And you're miles away....And I'm wondering why you ARE NOT HERE???”.......
The TAJ MAHAL is one of the most beautiful (if not the most one) monuments of the world, but not only architectural speaking , but the meaning of it “The monument of the eternal love”.
In 1612, Arjumand Banu Begam, better known by her other name , Mumtaz Mahal was married to Shah Jehan (then Prince Khurram), the fifth mughal emperor. This marriage, although the emperor's second, was a real love-match, and Mumtaz was her husband's inseparable companion on all his journeys and military expeditions. She was his comrade, his counsellor, and inspired him to acts of charity and benevolence towards the weak and the needy. She bore him fourteen children, and died in childhood in 1630 (only three years after his accession to the throne) Overpowered by grief, Shah Jehan was determined to perpetuate her memory for immortality and decided to build his beloved wife the finest sepulchre ever - a monument of eternal love. After twenty-two laborious years, and the combined effort of over twenty thousand workmen and master craftsmen, the complex was finally completed in 1648 on the banks on the river Yamuna in Agra, the capital of mughal monarchs.
Love known no limits, no boundaries, no miles..... But only privileged can understand it, feel and live what I am writing.
My humble opinion as one of the privileged who understands that nothing, no one, not even dead can separate a soul from their other soulmate , when you start to hear things like “I live in New Jersey” “you're too young or you're too old, You are too white, to rich, to intelligent, to, to , to ...TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!! (oops Hi Peter I am speaking like you “master of the excuses” XDDD don't sue me for use just a few ones ) just means your
so-desire love simply do not feel same as you. Now depends of you take the excuses, when the other person is not capable to tell you the truth you don’t even want to hear, and with a pair of ...(this thing that some men by nature and some by strength have between his legs ) fight against all odds.
Personally I wouldn’t give up with this, I would build you “the monument I think you deserve “ and if it is a TaJ MaJaL one I will do it , you bet, you will win.......
And I'm sending you this signal today You don't know How desperate I've become ... And it looks like I'm losing this fight.. Am I???????
How long can I stay haunted by you ..............

LoOkS aRe DeCeIvInG

May I look weak because my so-sad blog-stories. That must be the reason why you think you can face up to me…NO WAY….
Do I sound conceited???? Do I sound authoritarian ??
Don’t sweeten my ears with so-make and fake sentences. I can hear you but I am not going to listen you…Do you make out the difference???? I know I am not your “favorite & sweet & lovely Italian lady”.
Next week is going to be decisive for us. So please my sweet “A” take off your clothes (OH MY!! That is second part!!!!!!!!!!!) Hahah Sorry I can’t help it, you really turn me on and you know that. I want to ask you to stop being in this permanent defensive state with me….
Sweetie feel free to kiss me, to touch me, to caress me….Let’s make love … I will guide you just because your shyness…Let me discover with my sense and body every single part of you. Let me taste you.. Let me explore you. Let me show you how HIGH I can make you feel. Take some risks you wont regret…..
I love your duplicity.. I declare you my MR .Duplicity so shy-so naughty. I already see both parts. Now let me feel them.
I know every night we both are trying to provoke the other, to rebuke each other, but no one give the “first step”. I am doing it now! I am allowing myself to “really know you” (swearing on the Bible with my right hand ha ha) ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE US THE CHANCE?????? If you don’t “Common sense Will slap me in the face.. And yet I calm dissent.. Embarrassed by your obvious Indifference!!!”

“But I persist and speaks louder that I know
But I resist you love not matter how low or high I go”

DoN’t YoU dArE tO JuDgMe SyMpLy By mY wOrdS

I wonder why people think can judge you without knowing you. Yesterday someone told me “I can’t understand people like you that….” What the hell? I don’t want you to understand me. Am I asking you???
Someone people think can judge or give you advises. Nobody has the right to judge. Yesterday also someone asked me “it is your life so bad???” And I say YES!!! It is for me.. Of course my life for a woman who is watching her son die it is a bed of roses. Of course and I agree. But for me, my life right now is a shit. Oh and the advises people!!! They are simply amazing…. They can’t handle their penis to pee but they want to teach you how to do things good in life!!! Please!!!!
We have highs and lows and also stand by state. Stand by state for me is the worse. You just move yourself left to right and reverse (right to left just in case Forrest Gump is reading my blog!!!) but you do not go high or low. You are in mid air. You are in and going to nowhere. You are Stocked.
Being high is so ephemeral that maybe you can’t realize you was there. But the high moments in your life are unforgettable. A kiss, a hug, your son’s smile, an extended hand, the bright sun, the fresh air, a phone call or an e-mail from this special person you are waiting for, a birth, a grateful word, single and simple beautiful moments. They worth for a million low moments.
Being low is also necessary in life. You learn a lot when you are low. Lowest you are, more you learn . And I think is also a balance that out brain needs (of course not medically talking!!!) Is just because there are a lot of people who needs to learn to read between lines…
But the question here is how low state you mind can handle? I am low, underground, under everything. I am bended on my knee waiting for something that helps me to stand up. People use to say that you have to touch ground level to start to go up, that’s more than logical, you have to touch down first.
I wonder WHERE IS MY GROUND LEVEL??? I am looking down and I just can see emptiness, a big black hollow ..no light, no end there. I can’t see it. So I am afraid I have to keep on falling ……(geee I sound so f*cking Alicia Keys XDD ). You see how in the middle of nowhere you can smile! That’s what I love from me, my powerful capacity of laugh on myself. I think I already say it. I laugh on myself every single day of my life, even when I am crying.
Last night I fall sleep crying. Tonight I am going to cry more than yesterday…Need to see the end, since I see it I will survive ( oh my now Gloria Gaynor!!! Worse than ever!!!) with my ephemeral high moments.

PS: If you want to say something… say it here.

FrAnTiC ......ShAtTeReD

I need to cry frantically. I need to run away from my reality. But as far I want to go I arrive to nowhere. Just wonder why there are so many people who loves to hurt you, who loves to show you “how I don’t move a finger” in your face. This in not the human nature.
When someone is in a trouble or needed I don’t think for a second, I just jump to the emptiness and do whatever with no strings attached. And it is not that I am “perfect” (DON’T WANT TO NEITHER!!) , I try my best , try to be “a good human been as possible” that’s all. Why people can’t understand that with those horrible behavior they leave a gap which it will be hard to fill…they just shatter the harmony in your life and seems to be happy for it.
Those last days was like being every single minute at the wrong time. Such a confusion state, such a high stress levels that I can’t even concentrate in nothing….Now I look around, tired of cry, tired of fight, and just can see and hear people, but can’t understand what are they doing or saying, don’t want to. Just want to go away, far away, so far away….
Am I fated to not find myself? I lost myself, don’t know when…I am not me anymore since a long time ago. Do I want to find myself again or maybe for the first time?? Things are not easily to explain, but more difficult is to understand it. Everything is so unfair. Justice haha this weird word created, there is no such thing.
Where the angels our parents talk to us when we were little and ingenuous?? Where are the unselfish ones?? Where are the lovely people?? I take a look around again and nothing ……..
I make a great quantity of unfortunate choices. “..To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?No ones been crueler than I've been to me…”
“I am sorry to myself…My apologies begin here before everybody else…I am sorry to myself….For treating me worse than I would anybody else”
I am tired, I don’t want to cry anymore….I can’t cry anymore, my eyes are so dry. I GIVE UP….SORRY

BARCELONA tHe CiTy By ThE mEdItErRaNeAn SeA......

The City by Mediterranean Sea. Two thousand years of history. Open to every innovation. Welcoming, plural, diverse. A city to live and share. In Barcelona, the official languages are Catalan and Spanish. The two languages coexist in a bilingual situation similar to that found in many other parts of the world.
The Barcelona we see around us now, the Barcelona we enjoy today, is a new Barcelona, Mediterranean in keeping with its traditions, with its face to the sea and its arms open to other cultures and peoples, giving and receiving, happy to make and to share its riches.
At the same time the Barcelona of the 21st century, for all its transformations, has not severed its ties with a proud history in which so many generations of cultural diversities have built the firm foundations on which the innovations of modern times have constructed an utterly unique city with a personality that is all its own.
Barcelona is an European capital of astonishing cultural energy and a passion for progress, a city whose day-to-day life brings together every imaginable facet of the most diverse activities: these are the potential that has fashioned the city's present and give it the impetus to move forward into the future.

OK I live here .. I love this city and I invite you all to come and see one of the most beautiful cities of the world!!!
Now I will post Barcelona’s Olimpic song ...You must hear FREDDY MERCURY and our Soprano MONTSERRAT CABALLE ...I bet you are going to be here soon...... And you are very welcomed!!!!!!! ( I am not going to pick up you at airport XDDDDD)

Barcelona Barcelona
Barcelona Barcelona
Viva
I had this perfect dream
Un sueño me envolvio
This dream was me and you
Tal vez estas aqui
I want all the world to see
Un instinto me guiaba
A miracle sensation
My guide and inspiration
Now my dream is slowly coming true

The wind is a gentle breeze
El me hablo de ti
The bells are ringing out
El canto vuela
They're calling us together
Guiding us forever
Wish my dream would never go away

Barcelona - It was the first time that we met
Barcelona - How can I forget
The moment that you stepped into the room you took my breath away
Barcelona - La musica vibra
Barcelona - Y ella nos unio
And if God willing we will meet again someday

Let the songs begin
Dejalo nacer
Let the music play
Make the voices sing
Nace un gran amor
Start the celebration
Ven a mi.... And cry
Grita...... Come alive
Vive.... And shake the foundations from the skies!!!!!!!!
Ah, Ah, Shaking all our lives

Barcelona - Such a beautiful horizon
Barcelona - Like a jewel in the sun
Por ti sere gaviota de tu bella mar
Barcelona - Suenan las campanas
Barcelona - Abre tus puertas al mundo
If God is willing
If God is willing
If God is willing
Friends until the end
Viva – Barcelona

PS: Visca Barcelona!!!!!!!

SeXuAl iNsAnE cOnVeRsAtIoN

Today I had a lunch with 2 girls. My friend M. and another girl. We went to a really nice Restaurant and we start to speak about fantasies and things that really did in real life. Was incredible because we forgot about the other people and our topics were so ..so....incredible!!!!
M. was asking to G. If she did it by the back door (M. never did it SHE IS AN ASS VIRGIN....she is losing a really good thing) and if she swallow (depends on her mood ¿¿??). Can you get the picture....three young woman in a fancy restaurant speaking about “my boyfriend loves to cum on my face” hahahaha really amazing I know. And M likes to use toys, and G. Said something so-right. If two adult people enjoy and agree nothing is prohibited or disgusting. So you put your limits. And all this because M and I watch an amateur picture and we both got excited. (By the way I download the pic shhhhh )
Have to say that I discover I am a I'm a fan of the adult amateur porn in all its many forms. Never practised, but is one of this things you want to do (or me !!!). And I am sure I would love it. Cause real people looks most of the time sexier , it the real thing. Bondage, fetishes, handcuff, tied, biting, erotica, bodyart, submission, power-control , blindfolds (leather ones lol)........ and I can write a book here. Everything for a picture....

Anyway so many things to do and no one to make it with =) Too much information ...... must stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS. I can’t post the pic hehehhe

It Is My ChOiCe ???????

I can’t complain anymore if I feel alone. I guess I have the concept of loneliness is horrible just because I feel terrible alone and it is not a good sensation, I can tell you!!!
Loneliness it is necessary and sometimes a really good state. So many times you need to feel alone with yourself to think , to love you, to hate you or just to hear your silences..
But this is not my case. I need someone who look at my eyes when I speak, who listen my sadness my happiness and handle my neurosis with patience.
Someone who when even do not share my feelings respect them. Who walks by my side without being called. To tell me the truths I DON’T WANT TO HEAR even when he knows I can hate him for saying it.
In this world of skeptical people I need someone WHO BELIEVES in this mysterious things, discredited, almost impossible ..LOVE…
Someone who do not fear to be loyal, simple and fair.. Someone who do not disappear if someday I lost my path , who receives my gratitude, my help, my extended hand, even when this could be a little thing or nothing to him. Someone who also share my parties, my wars, my joy and NEVER FEAR TEMPESTS. Someone who scream with me in a chorus LET’S LAUGH about everything ,and laughs a lot.
Anyone available out there????????????????